I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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