Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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