I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
