she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
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just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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