I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
