Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
