nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
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Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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