I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
