MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
