I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
