I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
