I accidentally had phone sex last night
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm too high and old for this...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
