I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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