It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
