There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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