Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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