I will die if light touches me.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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