I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
