dude i'm inner monologue high
ugly people sure do ruin things
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hippo gnu deer
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
