youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
