I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
