he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
