im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
