I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize