if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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