Little spoons don't ask big questions
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
