dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
