my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
