I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
