Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
