God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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