relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
