jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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