That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
