I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
