Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
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she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
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What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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