So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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