drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
