So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
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The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
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Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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