This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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