Sponge bath it is.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos