Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
