Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
