I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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