in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
