she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
