Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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