i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
