I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize