I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
