I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
