so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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