ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
