You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
