whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Text me some of your sweat
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
