Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
